“But it’s your senior photograph! Couldn’t you have done something with your hair?”
Subject: What if these people had Jewish mothers?
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS’ JEWISH MOTHER: “I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you still should have written.”
MICHEL ANGELO’S JEWISH MOTHER: “Why can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off of the ceiling?”
NAPOLEON’S JEWISH MOTHER: “All right, if you’re not hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and
ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S JEWISH MOTHER: “Again with the hat! Why can’t you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?”
THOMAS EDISON’S JEWISH MOTHER: “Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and go to sleep!”
WHAT ALBERT EINSTEIN’S JEWISH MOTHER ASKED: “But it’s your senior photograph! Couldn’t you have done something with your hair?”
WHAT MOSES’ JEWISH MOTHER ASKED: “That’s a good story! Now tell me where you’ve really been for the last forty years!”
Subject: Ten reasons for celebrating Purim.
1. Making noise in shul is a mitzvah.
2. Levity is not reserved for the Levites.
3. If you’re having a bad hair day, you can always wear a mask & no one will know who you are.
4. Purim is easier to spell than Khanuka, Chanukah, Chanuka, Hanuka –the Hebrew name for the Festival of Lights.
5. You don’t have to kosher your home and change all the pots and dishes.
6. You don’t have to build a sukkah and eat outside.
7. You get to drink wine & you don’t have to stand for Kiddush.
8. Mordechai – 1; Haman – 0.
9. You won’t get hit in the eye by a lulav.
10. You can’t eat hamentaschen on Yom Kippur.
11. Mordechai – 1 ; Haman – 0!!!